In a gruesome turn of events, the infamous ‘Lord’ Monckton was rushed to hospital after his eyes burst from his head during a conference earlier today. Monkton was giving a speech and, in a rare break from tradition, answering questions on his theories at a liberal party and business group sponsored climate conference when the gruesome incident happened. Monckton had been about to answer a question when, after many years of trying, his eyes finally popped out. Several ‘eye’ witnesses have recounted the disturbing events.
“Monckton looked agitated the whole time” one witness said. “During his speech he was getting very animated and often confused. Then afterwards, when he was answering questions, one journalist asked him about why he thought he could discount the research of thousands of scientists when he himself had never done a single scientific study. He seriously looked like he would erupt and sure enough, when he was about to speak, POP! Both of his eyes just fell onto the floor.”
Another witness said “It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. To see a man’s eyes fall out, I cannot imagine anything worse. Several of the ladies up the front shrieked and ran for the door, a few people vomited, and one man even fainted. And when his eyes fell out, it just made things worse!”
——————————————————————————————-
‘Lord’ Monckons eyes seen here in one of their many attempts to escape
——————————————————————————————-
Sources close to Monckton report he is currently receiving the best help medical science can provide, which many have said is ironic given his apparent reluctance to accept some other sciences. ‘Lord’ Monckton’s eyes are the first body part of his to be confirmed to have successfully escaped from his body, although many would suggest his brain escaped long ago.
Ever keen to get in on the act, a number of betting agencies have framed markets as to which body part of his will be the next to escape, with his eyebrows and hair being the firm favourites. Other favourites include his middle fingers, his tongue, his left leg and his asshole. However one pundit has some clear advice as to which body part will be departing last. “There’s no way his gall bladder will be going. With the amount of bile that man produces, it must feel like the most loved gall bladder in the world.”
The 'Strine 